Jim Thornton's Scottish football funnies
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Michael, Michael give us a wave
So Motherwell manager Stuart McCall thinks a rogue editor at the BBC might be working to an agenda when selecting highlights to be shown on Sportscene. This follows Michael Higdon’s alleged gesture to his own fans after scoring against Dundee United at the weekend.
Calm down, Stuart. Unlike Leigh Griffiths (see below), Higdon is unlikely to be a serial offender. After all, when is he likely to score again?
Off you go
Staying with Motherwell, Stephen Craigan’s red card against Dunfermline on Tuesday night isn’t all bad news for the Fir Park side. Surely not even the record own-goal scorer can put one in his own net from up in the stand? Or can he?
Tweet tweet
I see Joey Barton has been having a go on Twitter at his former manager Neil Warnock. Strange, considering it was the same Warnock who recently signed Barton from Newcastle and made him QPR captain.
Clearly, wee Joey is not the brightest budgie in the cage. More twat than tweet, you might say.
Culture vulture
You may have seen that former Celtic player Paulo di Canio, now manager of Swindon, was sent to the stand during his club’s weekend victory over Macclesfield. He claims that his over-energetic body language is part of his ‘culture’, and he won’t be changing his ways. Good for him. The more characters in the game, the better.
In the same match, our Paulo also aimed a kick at one of his players as he made his way up the tunnel at half-time. Although a novice in management, the temperamental Italian (that’s 50% temper and 50% mental) has obviously quickly realised that whereas some players need a bollocking and some an arm round the shoulder, others just need a good boot up the arse.
Cheerio, cheerio, cheerio
Another game, another offensive gesture to the fans by Hibs’ Leigh Griffiths. That’s three in little more than a month.
Don’t you think it’s time the Edinburgh club gave him a gesture and waved him goodbye?
One rule for the rich …
Following their failure to pay their players’ January salaries on time, Hearts have been found guilty of ‘failing to behave with the utmost good faith to the SPL’, whatever that means.
This hitherto little-known and never-used charge flows from Rule A3.1 of the League’s rulebook.
Interestingly, the very next rule states: ‘No club … shall by any means whatsoever unfairly criticise, disparage, belittle or discredit … the League …’. Shouldn’t this apply to teams who continually bang on about how they’re being held back in the SPL, and how they want to go and play in England, the middle of the Atlantic, or anywhere just so long as it’s not in Scotland?
Perhaps Neil Doncaster can let us all know why the offending clubs have yet to be brought to book. Just don’t hold your breath.
Orwell lives
Rangers apparently now have a ‘global partner director’, would you believe. It makes you wonder how they’ve managed to win 54 league titles, 33 Scottish Cups, and 27 League Cups (not to mention a European Cup Winners’ Cup) without one.
The man in question, one Misha Sher, says: “We have to better leverage our traditions and history to engage Rangers fans worldwide.”
I think he means: “We have to play the bluenose card big-style to find new ways of getting even more dosh out of the foreign bears.”
Remember when fans went along to support their team, watch the game, and perhaps buy a programme and a pie and Bovril? Now the ‘customers’ buy-in to the ‘brand’, and go to the ground to sample the ‘product’ and enjoy the ‘match-day experience’. Doesn’t have quite the same ‘resonance’ (Misha forgot that one), does it?
As my old granddad used to say: “Good English taught here, and gooder up the stairs.”
Plus ca change …
The following is an extract from JB Priestley’s book “English Journey”, in which he recounts his travels across the country in the autumn of 1933, staying in various towns and cities along the way.
His visit to Nottingham fortuitously coincided with a Notts County v Nottingham Forest local derby, and he duly went along to Meadow Lane to enjoy the match-day experience. After giving his thoughts on the product, he goes on to comment on football in generals. (And bear in mind this was written nearly eighty years ago.)
"Nearly everything has been done to spoil this game: the heavy financial interests; the absurd transfer and player-selling system; the lack of any birth or residential qualification for the players; the betting and coupon competitions; the absurd publicity given to every feature of it by the Press; the monstrous partisanship of the crowds ... when any decision against their side has been given ...".
Hard to argue against, even today.
Last tango in Govan
My pal John decided to treat his girlfriend and take her to see Strictly Come Dancing at the SECC next month. He duly called the booking hotline and proceeded to order two tickets. However, his mind was clearly on other things when the operator asked him where in the arena he would like to sit.
“The Rangers’ end,” replied the bold John.
Pass the Buckie
The sale of alcohol in football grounds in Brazil has been banned since 2003 to prevent violence between rival fans. Sound familiar?
FIFA now want the Brazilian government to change the law in time for the 2014 Wold Cup. The fact that Budweiser is a major FIFA sponsor is, of course, purely coincidental.
Some Scottish clubs have been making similar noises in the last couple of years. I have to say I’m not too sure about this one. Can you imagine Ally McCoist and Neil Lennon squaring up to each other with a drink in them?
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