What links Rangers, Bannockburn and Owen Coyle?
By Jim Thornton:Perfidious Albion
Even the most ardent bluenose would have to admit that Rangers haven’t got off to the best of starts to life in the Third Division. In fact, some not-so-loyal Bears are now calling for Ally McCoist’s head after the fiasco at Forthbank last weekend. Surely, the worst away performance in Stirling since Edward II’s side got a hammering in 1314. (Did you know Sir John de Terry was subsequently banned for four battles for calling his opponents ‘dirty Jock bastards’?)
I know Owen Coyle is out of work and claiming Jobseeker’s Allowance after he got his jotters from the Raboak Stadium, but I don’t think Super Ally needs to get the worry beads out just yet. Not even Kevin Twaddle would have a punt on the former Republic of Ireland star ending up at Ibrox.
And I see wee Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has already been mentioned as a candidate for the Bolton job, as he has been for just about every vacancy that’s come up down south lately. Have you ever seen him and Stuart Baxter in the same room?
Red, Red Robin
‘Is Robin van Persie Manchester United’s Greatest-Ever Signing?’ So ran the headline in The Independent last week after the Dutchman’s two goals flushed CFR Cluj down the pan in the Champions League.
This took Robin the Boy Wonder’s tally to seven in his first eight games for the Reds. Eight games – a bit early to start giving him the Jim White/Brian Laudrup treatment, surely?
Leaving aside Man U’s illustrious home-grown talent over the years – Edwards, Charlton, and Best, for example - is RVP really better than paid-for signings such as Law or Cantona, or even Rooney or Ronaldo? And try telling Sir Furious that the former Arsenal striker’s better than a certain Darren Ferguson. Go on, I dare you.
Murder on the Orient Express
Leyton Orient chairman and snooker supremo Barry Hearn wants to change the club’s name to ‘London Orient’ if he’s successful in his attempt to move the O’s from their current home at Brisbane Road and ground-share with West Ham at the Olympic Stadium. Fair enough, I suppose, given that they’ve been ‘Clapton Orient’, ‘Leyton Orient’, and even simply ‘Orient’ at various times in their history. At least it’s better than ‘Sevco Orient’.
The club’s fans are understandably less than happy, but I bet Northern Premier League side Ramsbottom United’s supporters wouldn’t mind a change of name. Are they ‘The Rams’ or …? No, I think I know the answer to that one.
Two up Front
A member of the consortium interested in buying Leeds United has likened the Elland Road club to a young Pamela Anderson. ‘It’s in great shape, with superb assets and a great future,’ he said.
So, what team does Joan Collins put you in mind of? A class act in her time, but now living on former glories. Not that it put Craig Brown off.
Back to the Future
You probably know Michael Parkinson better as Parky the chat-show host rather than as the accomplished journalist and writer he started out as. More loss you. His newspaper columns over the years have focussed heavily on the seasons he spent as a young boy on the terraces at Oakwell watching his Barnsley heroes outclog all and sundry. The best of these have been put together in book form, imaginatively called ‘Parkinson on Football’.
No doubt using the free Parker pen he got for selling life insurance on the telly, he wrote a piece in 1997 about an even earlier time when: ‘The only difference between spectator and player was one worked down the pit and watched Barnsley, and the other worked down the pit and played for Barnsley.’ Nowadays, thanks to Messrs Terry and Cole amongst others, it’s the players themselves who are the pits.
If you’ve never heard of Skinner Normanton, or don’t know what a closet winger is, try to get a hold of Parky’s book. Nostalgia? It’s the future!
Do You Know Who I Am?
Talking of bad boys, I see Derek Riordan’s up in court for causing mayhem in an Edinburgh club. Already banned from just about every licensed establishment in the capital, Deeks disguised himself to gain entry, and then tried to put up a fight when he was rumbled. Maybe wearing a Hearts top wasn’t the best idea.
There’s Always Next Year
I decided to miss Clyde’s inevitable exit from the Scottish Cup at Nairn last week, and took myself instead off to the links for what will probably be my last round of the season. No joy there, either, I’m afraid. More Poultice than Poulter.
He’ll Grow Into It
And my mate’s wee girl thinks he really loves the Bully Wee because his new Clyde top’s got lots of XXX’s on the label.
Even the most ardent bluenose would have to admit that Rangers haven’t got off to the best of starts to life in the Third Division. In fact, some not-so-loyal Bears are now calling for Ally McCoist’s head after the fiasco at Forthbank last weekend. Surely, the worst away performance in Stirling since Edward II’s side got a hammering in 1314. (Did you know Sir John de Terry was subsequently banned for four battles for calling his opponents ‘dirty Jock bastards’?)
I know Owen Coyle is out of work and claiming Jobseeker’s Allowance after he got his jotters from the Raboak Stadium, but I don’t think Super Ally needs to get the worry beads out just yet. Not even Kevin Twaddle would have a punt on the former Republic of Ireland star ending up at Ibrox.
And I see wee Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has already been mentioned as a candidate for the Bolton job, as he has been for just about every vacancy that’s come up down south lately. Have you ever seen him and Stuart Baxter in the same room?
Red, Red Robin
‘Is Robin van Persie Manchester United’s Greatest-Ever Signing?’ So ran the headline in The Independent last week after the Dutchman’s two goals flushed CFR Cluj down the pan in the Champions League.
This took Robin the Boy Wonder’s tally to seven in his first eight games for the Reds. Eight games – a bit early to start giving him the Jim White/Brian Laudrup treatment, surely?
Leaving aside Man U’s illustrious home-grown talent over the years – Edwards, Charlton, and Best, for example - is RVP really better than paid-for signings such as Law or Cantona, or even Rooney or Ronaldo? And try telling Sir Furious that the former Arsenal striker’s better than a certain Darren Ferguson. Go on, I dare you.
Murder on the Orient Express
Leyton Orient chairman and snooker supremo Barry Hearn wants to change the club’s name to ‘London Orient’ if he’s successful in his attempt to move the O’s from their current home at Brisbane Road and ground-share with West Ham at the Olympic Stadium. Fair enough, I suppose, given that they’ve been ‘Clapton Orient’, ‘Leyton Orient’, and even simply ‘Orient’ at various times in their history. At least it’s better than ‘Sevco Orient’.
The club’s fans are understandably less than happy, but I bet Northern Premier League side Ramsbottom United’s supporters wouldn’t mind a change of name. Are they ‘The Rams’ or …? No, I think I know the answer to that one.
Two up Front
A member of the consortium interested in buying Leeds United has likened the Elland Road club to a young Pamela Anderson. ‘It’s in great shape, with superb assets and a great future,’ he said.
So, what team does Joan Collins put you in mind of? A class act in her time, but now living on former glories. Not that it put Craig Brown off.
Back to the Future
You probably know Michael Parkinson better as Parky the chat-show host rather than as the accomplished journalist and writer he started out as. More loss you. His newspaper columns over the years have focussed heavily on the seasons he spent as a young boy on the terraces at Oakwell watching his Barnsley heroes outclog all and sundry. The best of these have been put together in book form, imaginatively called ‘Parkinson on Football’.
No doubt using the free Parker pen he got for selling life insurance on the telly, he wrote a piece in 1997 about an even earlier time when: ‘The only difference between spectator and player was one worked down the pit and watched Barnsley, and the other worked down the pit and played for Barnsley.’ Nowadays, thanks to Messrs Terry and Cole amongst others, it’s the players themselves who are the pits.
If you’ve never heard of Skinner Normanton, or don’t know what a closet winger is, try to get a hold of Parky’s book. Nostalgia? It’s the future!
Do You Know Who I Am?
Talking of bad boys, I see Derek Riordan’s up in court for causing mayhem in an Edinburgh club. Already banned from just about every licensed establishment in the capital, Deeks disguised himself to gain entry, and then tried to put up a fight when he was rumbled. Maybe wearing a Hearts top wasn’t the best idea.
There’s Always Next Year
I decided to miss Clyde’s inevitable exit from the Scottish Cup at Nairn last week, and took myself instead off to the links for what will probably be my last round of the season. No joy there, either, I’m afraid. More Poultice than Poulter.
He’ll Grow Into It
And my mate’s wee girl thinks he really loves the Bully Wee because his new Clyde top’s got lots of XXX’s on the label.
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